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I am deeply grateful for the opportunity to share my story with you. It’s not a tale of ease but of resilience, strength, and the incredible transformation that comes from facing life’s hardest challenges head-on. I’ve spent years navigating my own trauma, addiction, mental health crises, and family struggles, but each experience has molded me into the person I am today—someone driven by a deep desire to help others heal, grow, and reclaim their lives. This letter is my way of introducing myself, not just as a professional, but as a person who has lived through and overcome adversity. My name is Nicolette Dalhamer, but most people call me Nikki. I am a 34-year-old wife, mother of two, and a passionate advocate for mental health and substance use recovery. I grew up in Bayonne, NJ, but currently reside in Marysville, Ohio. My story has been shaped by a combination of personal and professional experiences, but the most profound part of my journey is rooted in the early trauma I faced in my family home. I was raised by my mother, a woman who struggled with addiction to prescription opioids. My parents divorced when I was just four, and from that point on, my mother became the sole custodial parent. We often faced financial hardship, with basic necessities like rent, electricity, and food always uncertain. As a young girl, I tried to make sense of my mother’s escalating addiction, as she went from using prescribed painkillers to full-blown dependence on OxyContin, which ultimately consumed her. At 13, I experienced the crushing reality of seeing my mother’s addiction take over her life, and as the years passed, it got worse. There were many sleepless nights when I would try to wake her, only to find her locked away in her room, high and hallucinating. One day, I opened her door to find her lying in a puddle of sweat, mumbling incoherently. That moment marked the beginning of my deep sense of abandonment.
Despite this, I pushed forward. At 15, I sought refuge in a relationship with a 19-year-old who introduced me to drugs, and soon my life was filled with addiction, chaos, and confusion. I became entangled in the belief that drugs could numb the pain, but it was only a temporary escape. The toxic relationship became even more complicated when I was pressured to marry him for his immigration status, a decision I deeply regret. His betrayal, including cheating and infecting me with an STD, shattered my sense of self-worth. However, it was in 2008, when I met my now husband on a cruise while he was on leave from Afghanistan, that my life began to change. Our connection was genuine, and with his support, I found stability. By 2010, I graduated with a degree in Elementary Education and American Studies from Saint Peter’s University, becoming the first in my family to earn a college degree. But my celebration was marred by the harsh reality of my mother’s addiction. On the day of my graduation, my mother showed up to the ceremony high, stumbling down the stairs in a state of disarray. She had missed my Baccalaureate Mass due to being too intoxicated, and despite my request for her not to attend, my grandmother gave her a ticket. When she arrived, she was clearly impaired, and at that moment, I knew my mother could never fully be there for me. I had hoped for so long that she would get clean and be present in my life, but seeing her at my graduation—humiliated, broken, and lost—was a turning point for me. It was then that I made the difficult decision to cut her out of my life for my own mental health and well-being. This event was just the beginning of a long, painful journey of self-discovery. I went on to work in education, and in 2019, after experiencing a major mental health crisis, I sought help and entered an intensive outpatient program. It was there that I began to truly understand the depths of my struggles and how they were tied to my family’s dysfunction and the toxic work environment I was enduring. I discovered that my mental health had been compromised by years of emotional trauma and unhealthy workplace dynamics and that I was discriminated against due to my mental health challenges.
The pain of my past still echoes in my mind, but it has fueled my passion for helping others who are battling similar issues. Since leaving the education field, I have pursued a career focused on trauma-informed mental health and substance use disorder recovery. I have found immense purpose in my work as a certified counselor, recovery coach, and consultant, helping individuals navigate the depths of addiction and trauma with a holistic, compassionate approach. My personal and professional experiences have taught me invaluable lessons about resilience, the importance of community, and the power of healing. I am a proud advocate for mental health awareness and recovery, and I am committed to using my story to inspire others to break free from their own cycles of addiction and trauma. In addition to my professional work, I founded The Helen VanNatta Memorial Foundation, in loving memory of my mother, to provide educational opportunities, mental health, and substance use support services to our nation’s veterans and their families. Veterans face unique challenges when it comes to mental health and recovery, and I am committed to offering resources and support to those who have served, helping them navigate these difficulties, and improving their quality of life. Through the foundation, we aim to create a lasting impact, providing our heroes with the tools they need to heal and thrive. Thank you for taking the time to read my story. It’s not easy to share, but I believe in the power of vulnerability. It is my hope that through my work, I can continue to make a difference in the lives of others, helping them find the strength to face their own challenges and move toward a life of healing and transformation.
